The Last Chemo – part 1

It was a beautiful, sunny morning when we last met. She could not stare at me, found it difficult to talk. She tried to calm herself down and stop crying, but it was in vain. I did not know how I should interact as I was lost in my memories. Images were passing by, and showing glimpses of our wonderful moments together. I did not have any idea what should I say to her?? It won’t be realistic if I would say that, “Don’t worry, you will be fine.” that would be ridiculous as both of us knew what was going on. She was acting as if nothing was happening, and I was wondering on how to make things normal. I was completely numb! Why wouldn’t I? I never realized that would be the destiny of us. I felt like crushing everything that would come in front of me. What was the point of living if she had to die for a moron like Cancer?

Still wondering on how the years are passing by. I still remember the days when we used to think that, living life is way more important than maintaining it, so we should enjoy ourselves rather than pushing way too harder to experience so called the “sober life”. She was a professional photographer. She used to capture the beauty of nature while travelling different countries. She would always say “We have to shift somewhere in nature. I am just disgusted with this boring city life”. I used to convince her saying that, one day we will move together. Sigh! After her death, I have always asked myself, “Did I really mean it or was it just a fake word to make her smiling?” Love at times makes you really selfish, and I am not sure whether what I said to her was right or wrong.
I sometimes think to myself, what was her fault? She was an awesome person to be with. Then, what was the problem with God? Why did he do that? She did not any wrong with anyone. She was the nicest person that one could meet. She would always help people whenever one had any issue with his or her life. There was a saying “God always loves to take back good people rather than bad” If it was the case, then I would tell him not to do that. It’s not fair if all good people have to die without doing anything wrong. Why should bad things happen to the good people? If eternal happiness is the promise for them, why don’t they deserve to be happy here, on this very earth?
It was just like a thunder strike when I came to know about her disease. She had liver cancer. The doctor said, it was difficult to recognize this cancer at times, and she was one of those victims. She was not here at that particular time. My heart beats were speeding by, and I was continuously thinking on how would I tell her? I could not walk straight along the corridor. It just felt like getting crushed on the road from a 10 storey’s roof top. I was thinking that she would be tensed for the report. I was cursing myself as I had to say those ugly things with her. On the way to her house, I was remembering all those lovely times that we spent together. I was crying or wasn’t I? I didn’t have that sense to think about.
It was a gloomy afternoon, rain was about to start. I went into her house, rang the bell, she opened the door with a smile. I didn’t know how to react in front of her. I did manage to smile her back, but I guess she understood that there was something bad….